I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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