I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
