Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
