I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
