I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
