I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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