i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
