What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
