i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
