TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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