I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Still dying that you shit outside
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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