Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
