dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
