he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do herpes really smell.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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