I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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