I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize