you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
