i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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