The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
