Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
