Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize