As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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