Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
