Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize