Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
