The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize