nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
