Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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