i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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