I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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