i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
