come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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