I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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