How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
