cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
