the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize