I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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