My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
