That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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