theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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