we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
