never play flip cup with pint glasses
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
