So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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