after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
