**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
