So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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