Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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