OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
