anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
