escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do vagina's smell?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
