Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
