When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
