You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
