she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
