can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize