i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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