i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
