So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
