I want to have your abortion
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
