After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
