Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
