nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
