I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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