ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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