I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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