I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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