My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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