This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
