So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize