apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
