i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
