I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
