I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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