you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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