So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
