My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
