i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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