It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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