he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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