Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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