I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
its liver damage thursday
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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