New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
