Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
