i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
