Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
