So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
