Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
