You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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