I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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