I hate all girls vehemently.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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