I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
