Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hippo gnu deer
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
