Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
