We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i out mim tonsoeep
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