I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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