I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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