I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
