1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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