apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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