meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
