i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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