We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
