WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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