Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
