im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
