Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
